Love is Grand… Divorce is Twenty Grand.
Mountain climbers rope together to prevent the sensible ones from going home.
Women want one man to meet every need; men want every woman to meet one need.
A fool and his money stabilize the economy.
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow it might be illegal.
When someone says, “It ain’t the money, but the principle,” it’s the money.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn’t.
Marriage is an institution — but who wants to live in one?
If you cannot hope for order, withdraw with style from the chaos.
The law of gravity was enacted by the British Parliament.
You will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.
Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
Always remember that you are unique… just like everyone else.
When pigs back into an electric fence, there is a short circus.
There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
How many weeks are there in a light year?
Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
Some is good, more is better, too much is just right.
According to the official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.
Air travel: Breakfast in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Brazil.
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
There is no problem a good miracle can’t solve.
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
Love means having to say you’re sorry every five minutes.
I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.
Do not merely believe in miracles; rely on them.
The number watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Confound those who have said our remarks before us.
If you don’t know what you’re doing, do it neatly.
If God is perfect, why did he create discontinuous functions?
Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.
Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
A penny saved is an economic breakthrough.